My first serious experiences with BDSM were with a former partner, M. A couple of years into the relationship, I bound her arms over her head (standing) and engaged in some sensation play, tickling, and mild spanking. Although it seemed to go well for awhile, she soon had a major meltdown, scene over, lots of aftercare. The experience pushed enough major buttons with her that we avoided that territory assiduously for a great many years after.

Over a decade later (I tend towards pretty long-term relationships), M and I made plans to go to Burning Man as part of a sex-positive theme camp we recalled from our previous Burn. Apparently we only vaguely, sorta, kinda remembered the camp, because “sex-positive” was too vague by half. Once we arrived on playa and started assisting with erecting the camp (phrasing!), we discovered that the camp founders described the camp as “the biggest, baddest BDSM play space on playa”. Both of us worked shifts as “Dungeon Monitors”, helping supervise the public play space. I also attended a “make your own flogger” class on playa and came away with my very first flogger.

Those experiences brought the topic back to the table for M and me, and we explored it with cautious enthusiasm. I was a tentative top, M was my bottom. There was some role playing, bondage, sensation play, spanking (bare handed and with a strap), flogging, anal play, and dominance/submission.

The play was enjoyable and rewarding, but it was also complicated. I didn’t know it at the time, but the relationship with M was on its last legs; she left our home and the relationship three months after that Burn, and hasn’t spoken to me in over two years. So our renewed explorations of BDSM happened in the context of some relationship strife, communication challenges, and more emotional turmoil than usual. Additionally, M and I were both strong believers in a guideline regarding open relationships, “Don’t embark on this journey when your relationship isn’t already pretty solid. Trying this isn’t going to fix your relationship, and in fact might hasten an already-looming demise.”

As such, experimenting with BDSM was something M and I did only when the conditions were just right. She had to be in the right mood, I had to be in the right mood, there couldn’t be any overt drama or communication issues hanging in the air, we had to have a serious chunk of free time available for the scene and ample aftercare. It felt like the stars had to be aligned just so before we were willing to “go there”, and the conditions were unfavorable far more often than they were favorable.

Of course, the picture was further clouded by how new we both were in this space. I was a tentative top, still getting my bearings in this landscape. M was an anxious bottom who really struggled with trusting and letting go. It was a challenging learning process. Then the relationship crumbled to pieces from under me. I have speculated more than once about whether our foray into BDSM contributed straw to our camel’s over-burdened back. Given the lack of subsequent communication between us, I can’t really say.

Regardless, the experience reinforced my belief that BDSM was only viable in the context of a rock-solid relationship, between people who were (separately and together) in a very secure emotional landscape. That belief was soon challenged. Look for Part 2 of this story.

15. April 2006 · 2 comments · Categories: Uncategorized · Tags: , ,

I was on all fours, leaning over her naked body. I was sucking at her nipple, squeezing with my lips while I lashed it with my tongue. A shudder went though her body, but she put her hands on my shoulders and gave a feeble push. “I shouldn’t… we can’t… my parents think I’m studying.” I didn’t answer at first, but merely moved my mouth to her other nipple and assaulted it in the same fashion, causing her to thrash and wiggle beneath me. “You’re making me dizzy, I can’t think,” she moaned aloud. I moved my knee between her thighs and pressed it against her open loins.

In a husky, stern voice, I scolded her. “We can do this one of two ways. I can keep playing with you and torturing you until you are begging me to slide my cock into your sloppy wet pussy. Or, if it’ll soothe your conscience, I can take you by force so you can claim you had no choice in the matter.” I worked my knee back and forth, pressing tightly against her and crushing her pussy lips. Her voice shook from fear and arousal, “What are you…? No, we have to stop…” But this time, she didn’t push away, and her voice lacked all conviction. Her hips had begun to push back against my knee, rutting against me like a cat in heat.

I moved my other knee between her thighs, and then spread them rudely, laying her open and bare. I laid over her, resting my cock against her splayed lips and pressing my chest into her breasts. “You fucking high school teases are all the same. Get naked with a guy, get him all worked up, and then try to say no. Fucking prick teases!” Her hips struggled under me, trying to get away but only succeeding in rubbing more fervently. “No, what do you…? I wasn’t teasing, I promise! I didn’t know…” I ducked my head and sucked fast and harsh on her nipple. “Lying bitch! You knew what you were doing!” She started to answer, but I pressed my mouth against her open mouth and our tongues tangled, smothering her response. Her body heaved against mine, and my cock slipped smoothly back and forth against her lips, wet from her cunt.

I pulled back abruptly and before she could react I rolled her onto her belly. Pinning her with my chest, I slipped my hand between her thighs and slid my thumb into her slick pussy. I immediately started sawing back and forth, sliding my thumb in and out of her and rocking against her clit with the side of my index finger. I leaned over her shoulder and breathed hotly into her ear. “You can protest all you like, but feel how wet and hot your pussy is. I’m going to force orgasms from you and you’re going to love every second of it, no matter what you say.” Her face was pressed into the pillow and she screamed muffled release as her body shook under my rough treatment of her cunt. Her pussy walls squeezed tightly, then spasmed repeatedly as her pussy flowed into my hand. I didn’t give her any reprieve, but continued stroking. I angled my arm down slightly so my thumb stroked right over her g-spot. Her thighs jerked and curled under her, elevating her ass and pushing back against me. My hand flew back and forth, banging into her savagely and she lifted her head to cry out another orgasm. I pulled her arm back until it reached between my thighs. I pressed my cock into her open palm and she wrapped around it immediately. I continued to whisper in her ear, taunting her. “Feel how stiff and big my cock is? Can you imagine it in there instead of my thumb? Can you imagine it pressing into your tight little pussy? You know you want it, tease.” I kept a furious pace, giving her no breath to answer with, no breath to do anything but pant and cry out. “You’ll do anything I want as long as I keep you cumming like this! You’ll beg for my cock as long as it means you cum like this, won’t you?” She struggled to answer, “Yes, I’ll do anything… anything you want, just…please…”

I jerked back and tossed her over again. I plunged between her thighs and pinned her down, spread wide. My cock rubbed wetly and roughly along her cunt furrow, grinding against her clit. I arched my back high and ducked my head so I could roughly suck her nipple at the same time. Her hands clawed along my back, digging with enough pain to make me bite her nipples harder. I pulled my hips back a little and angled my cock down, then thrust into her in one sudden move. Her eyes flew open in shock. “What are you…? No, I can’t…”

I pounded deep and hard, giving her space to squirm against me, but no room to get free. I slipped one arm under her right knee and hiked it up, pinning her to the mattress and lifting her gaping cunt for me. I drove into her relentlessly, and she cried out her orgasm. “Oh god… fucking god, just keep…” My weight was shifted forward onto my arms and my knees slipped back and forth against the sheets as my hips bucked as fast as I could manage, drilling into her, splitting this hot little cunt in half. When she could catch a breath, she cried and pleaded, “Fucking… yes, fuck…” She broke off in the middle, enthusiastically crying out another orgasm. Her moaning and the spasming of her tight cunt brought me to the very edge. “I love you little teenaged sluts. You wiggle so much, like a bucking bronco. Best ride ever. Tight twitching twats…” My cock sprayed hotly against her cervix and her pussy clutched and pulled at me. She clawed my back one more time before her arms dropped limply to the bed.